Okay, so this probably isn't the most appropriate place to be spewing shit like this, but I gotta talk about it somewhere! And I really don't like writing in real paper journals...my hands cramp too much. Dx

Anyways, here's the gist of what happened previously (like, two years).

-Had a crush on this one chick who I would NEVER EVER EVER get together with. She was beautiful and all, but she turned out to be a total dick. That and she was apparently like, Stoner Queen of the school.
-Later that year, I fall for one of my best friends after she confesses her crush on me. I mean, I'm completely head over heels, and in the two times we've told each other our feelings (god, I want to stab that sentence. Ick.) I've never really felt as though she were really sticking to her words. Anyways, that totally fell through. Painfully, I might add. And she was a total ass about it too, and like, a week after she FINALLY told me "lets just be friends" (after weeks of leaving me tortured to my thoughts) she starts going on about this guy. And it gets worse- her parents had recently split up, and her mom starts dating this guy from work. Well, this guy from work has this son who's around our age. Low and behold, the chick starts going off about how she's totally in love with this kid and I'm going, "Um, ewww, he's going to be your stepbrother!" SO GROSS. Anyways, she ended up moving away. I felt better after that.


Now:

I told myself I wasn't going to let so stupid like that happen again. I mean, I was a total idiot. Well, sophomore year starts, and half way through I start noticing this girl in my Bio class. I think she's totally cute, and after a couple days, I realize that we keep looking at each other. Like, I'll glance her way, and then she'll glance at me, we smile, and then look away. And this carries on like, all through class! I'm so giddy at this point. Finally, one day when my lab partner is gone, I invite her to sit next to me to take notes. She does, and after a while of writing crap down, she leans over and whispers, "So, I noticed you were wearing an Evanescence T-shirt the other day..." And then we get to talking about music and stuff, and before we know it, apparently we've got more in common than identical twins! It's crazy. Through the year we spend more and more time together, and by this point I know I've got a giant crush on her. We hung out over the summer and during my junior year, and now she's like my best friend. I can't shake this crush, and though she says she's straight (but I don't think she knows I like her) I sometimes think she might secretly feel...something. I dunno. I think most of the time I'm just trying to make myself feel better because I don't want a repeat of freshman year.

All I know is that I will NEVER tell her that I like her. I've seen where that's lead to, and I'm not going to risk that with such a perfect girl like this one.


-sigh-

IHBELFKNASKNTWLAEBRJWBLDJGPSODUGJEBR!